“Life consists of small things. They become great if you love.”


         Photo by Esra Gunaydin

“Loving yourself” is always the first item in “to do” lists of how to live a better life revealed in all personal development books. Everybody says they love themselves, but very few people live their life according to their desires. Therefore, we should question the accuracy of the answer to the question “Do I really love myself?” But how do we know if we love ourselves or not? Is there a measure for this? Most importantly, if we realize we don’t love ourselves enough, how to love, where to begin?

It is said that, the outer world is a reflection of the inner world. I totally believe in that phrase is right from my own experiences.

If the outer world is a reflection of the inner world so we may say that “Our relationship with others is a reflection of the relationship with ourselves”. And even if we go one more step further, we can also say “we love ourselves as much as we love others”.

Of course all of us have lots of people outside that we love deeply, such as mother, father, spouse, children, friends and the other creatures in nature. These are the common sentiments that we share all together. Therefore, it might not be so easy to get the correct answer by considering the ones we love.

Well, then let’s look at differently and reverse the proposition above as “We don’t love ourselves as much as we don’t love others”.

From this point of view, we can catch more concrete clues about how “less” we love ourselves. Now consider about the people around whom you do not like, whom you think they do not like you, who seems like enemy, who makes you feel negative emotions, who makes you feel not in safe, who makes you feel under threat? And how much the intensity of these negative emotions you feel?

More or less, most of us have negative feelings for certain people in our lives. Some of us have very strong negative feelings against a specific person. For example, anger and hatred for a cheater husband or lover are such kind of intense feelings. Some of us have less intense negative feelings for many people around. Feeling of resentment and anger for colleagues who make us feel excluded in the workplace can be given as an example.

The good news is if you work on any aspect of this proposition, you will automatically improve the other aspect as well.

For example, if you truly forgive the one who makes you feel very intense resentment and anger, you will also feel you love yourself more. And you will notice many improvements in every area of your life as a reward.

If you go through the other direction and do some certain practices to love yourself more, your relationships with others go better and better automatically.

The first path of “forgiveness” is a challenging and arduous path. But it is the most effective and fast way. I discussed this issue in more detail in another article.

The second path of “certain practices for loving yourself” results in a little more long-term and eventually merges with the first path. Since these practices help people to forgive others, they can move on the first path easier.

So, what practices can be done in the name of self-love?

There are lots of meditation techniques, positive affirmations, healing techniques or courses are available out there. However, in this article, I would like to share with you the method I developed what you can easily apply to your everyday life.  I gave it a witty name as “spiritual body creaming” to make it more fun:)

In transformational breathing therapy, my dear coach Mustafa Zeynel Oktem suggested me to apply body lotion in order to improve my relationship with myself. In this way, both I would care and love my body and also I would feel myself physically. As a person who rarely applies cream on my face, I found this suggestion very absurd. However, I decided to give a try anyway.  As I continued to do it regularly, I also developed it by enriching with affirmations. And finally it became my after bath ritual which takes less than five minutes. This method improved my inner relationship and helped me to love myself more.

Here is the magic formula:)

1. Get yourself a large-sized body cream

Large size packing is more advantageous in terms of both price and duration of use. If you use an appropriate cream for your skin, your skin problems will also be significantly improved after a while later. I like Neutrogena scentless body lotion very much and I would recommend to everyone.

2. Apply it on your body!

You just simply apply cream on each area of your body by thinking of positive affirmations within. Here are my affirmations;

Face: Love in my heart is shining brightly on my face. Everyone sees the beauty of love on my face.

Left Shoulder: I completely forgive myself.

Left Arm: I easily reach my goals.

Right Shoulder: I totally forgive others.

Right Arm: I’m helping others to achieve their goal.

Throat: I express my soul in this world with ease. My soul finds expression in this world with ease in every way.

Chest area (left): I love myself and I have compassion for myself.

Chest area (right): I love others and I have compassion for others.

Chest area (middle): I love and being loved. Endless love in my heart is spreading in all directions. And this love is coming back to me exponentially.

Abdominal area: I accept my power coming from my soul. I help others to accept their own power as well.

Ridge region: I fulfill my responsibilities by pleasure as a hobby. I am the one who is my best support in life.

Sacral chakra: I am very creative. I give permission to use my creativity in all areas. My creativity finds expression in this world with ease.

Hips: All my needs and comfort are met easily without need for request.

Left Leg: I progress in life with confident steps. I trust the flow of life.

Left Knee: I am flexible. I can easily adapt to any situation and condition.

Right Leg: I help others to progress confidently in life. I support them to rely on the flow of life.

Right Knee: I help others to be flexible. I support them to adapt easily to any situation and condition.

Left Leg: I put my feet firmly on the ground. I’m in safe.

Right Foot: I help others to put their feet firmly on the ground. I support them be in safe.

When brushing/styling your hair: I easily arrange my life. I give shape to my life according to my desires.

I compiled these affirmations from the book “you can heal your life” written by Louise Hay, the meaning of certain points on body in transformational breathing and my imagination.

You can also create your own affirmations. Maybe you would like to focus on only one specific affirmation. Or you would like to say “I love you and thank you for the best service you are giving me”.  Whatever makes you feel better, do it so. Just take a step for loving yourself more.

If you consider that we take shower every day, you can easily see how quickly this method will give results. Especially, if you hug and kiss yourself after creaming, I guarantee you feel very well immediately:)

For some of us, to look at the mirror and to say “I love you” is even very difficult. So, self hugging and kissing would be too much for them. Especially male readers may hesitate to do it. But the person who loves us most in this world should be ourselves. And we should express this love in physical, mental and spiritual level as a whole. To apply cream on the body works in physical level, to think affirmations works in mental level and to feel positive emotions works in spiritual level. And all of them establish integrity within.

Besides, nobody see you, therefore nobody can judge you. This is your private life. And you are free to love yourself as much as your heart’s content.

You can also adapt this method into various different areas. The first-come into my mind is “spiritual bath”:) When you are having bath, you can think of these affirmations while you are rubbing your bath-glove on each area of your body:)

If you can think of other adaptations or new methods to love yourself more, please share it. And keep on loving yourself more, much more, more and more:)

“Neither a lofty degree of intelligence nor imagination nor both together go to the making of genius. Love, love, love, that is the soul of genius.”

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart



2 Responses to Loving Yourself

  1. Nikoya says:

    Glorious points here Esra. Our outer world is truly a reflection of our inner world. Love is really the root of where this all begins. Thanks for the reminder to operate from love by loving myself first.

  2. Chris Barba says:

    I think these visualizations of self affirmations are a wonderful practice. Something about connecting a body part to an affirmation makes it more powerful – I really like this. And like you said, this method can very easily become a daily practice since showers and baths are already part of our routine.


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